My Columbus Day Anniversary

It's a beautiful day today. As I recall, Columbus Day 2000 was a beautiful day, too. Not quite as warm, perhaps (it's 80+ degrees today), but still bright & sunny. I remember this because I had a heart attack that day. It's the first (and only) time I've ever been admitted to the hospital. (I'd had a couple trips to the emergency room before, but never needed to stay.)

I knew I was a ticking time bomb. I knew my cholesterol was high, due more to diet that genetics. But I couldn't get my eating under control. Food is my drug of choice. It always has been. I eat to reward myself, I eat to ease my pain, I eat to relax. And I knew that once I entered menopause, there might be hell to pay. I just didn't expect it so early.

That was 8 years ago and I'm still not taking care of myself. Food is still my drug of choice. I just can't seem to get into the habit of cooking, even though I've done so in the past. Nor into the habit of exercising. (Now that, I've always had trouble with.) If I'd lost just 10 pounds a year, I'd be 80 pounds lighter. Well, not really, because I'd most likely stop at 50-60 pounds, which is my ideal weight.

The advantages are enormous. I'd have more energy, I'd look even younger than I do, I'd be able to wear regular pants (the ones without the elastic waist band). But here I sit, with the rolls of fat flopping over my waistband.

I planned 2 meals to cook this weekend, and yet I haven't made either one. One is a seafood scampi and the other is pork chops (one of my favorite foods) with sauerkraut and apples. So the chops have been defrosting in my frig, the seafood (one of those "fake crab" things) is due to expire this week. So it's now or never.

I was going to cook the seafood last night, but yesterday was a total waste of time. I'd loaded a new graphics program on the computer and spent the rest of the day playing with it. And when dinnertime came, I just wasn't in the mood. I seriously need to get out of that thinking. So tonight, it's pork chops. (I don't want them sitting in the frig too long before I cook them) and tomorrow it's scampi. I hope.

I'll let you know if I'm successful.

Change of course

Aha! I've decided what to do with this blog. Since no one reads it, I'm going to discuss my head games.

I've been feeling a little down & blue for a week or so. Some of it is possibly due to a recent big change in my personal relationships. And some of it is probably due to the change of seasons. Even though the weather is quite mild here in the Washington, DC area, the hours of sunlight have decreased. We now have more hours of darkness than light, so I suppose my (undiagnosed) SAD is taking effect. Then, an incident at work Thursday afternoon took me back to my "I'm worthless" mindset. Thankfully, I had a session with my counselor Michelle planned for this weekend.

It was a good session. We talked about some of the things I can do to get out more, meet new people, and become more involved in life. We also talked about some of the ways I can do myself to combat my depression. Michelle made a list, copied it on colorful paper, and even put it in a plastic coversheet so I won't fold it up, tuck it away and forget about it. The list is sitting in front of me right now.

I'm excited to try some of the list items.

It's not on my list, but one of the things want to is to call my niece and talk about the birthday party she had for her daughter a couple weekends ago.

The second piece of "homework is to attend a rehearsal of the local Sweet Adeline's chorus. I've been talking about doing this for several years and just haven't started. It was one of my big plans for the beginning of the year. But shortly after 2008 began, I fell down the steps at work and broke my foot. Once it was sufficiently healed, I'd forgotten about the resolution. And here I am, in September, still not having made it. On the positive side, Michelle says I haven't given up.

The other thing I'm going to try is keeping a "credit log," a daily list of accomplishments. More than a gratitude journal, it's a way for me to see what I've done each day. Hopefully, the list will inspire me and with time it will grow.

I'll check back later in the week to see how I've done with my tasks.

Important news for hanncoll!

You were looking for some True Blood icons? Someone at LiveJournal (not me) has made some! Check 'em out. (They don't start until #058, so you have to scroll down.) Wonder where she got the screencaps. Bonus! She also has Supernatural "Lazarus Rising" icons.

So why didn't I just go ahead and post this at LJ? Because fucking LJ is not allowing me to post! When I click "Post" I get the title box, the tags box, the mood box and all the other boxes, except the text entry box! WTF?

I gotta tell ya, I'm really liking Blogspot/Blogger. Think I can get my LJ friends to move over here? Probably not, since the LJ Supernatural fan community is so large.

Oh, wait! I can't post cute little pictures here! Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Heh.

Blog #463

Yep. Started another blog. The primary reason was to see how Blogspot works so I could help my friend hanncoll, who publishes Fangirl Says.

I've been monkeying around over here, and so far, I'm really liking Blogspot. I'm almost thinking that SciFi Chicks would be better hosted over here. I just don't know how the whole domain name to Blogspot thing works. If it's anything like putting a Yahoo-registered domain on another host, no thanks. The whole site ends up being caught in a Yahoo created frame; which makes the site really hard to manage.

So, I'll be experimenting for awhile. Watch and enjoy.

How's life treating you lately

I really do feel the fall weekend vibe in the air today. I used to feel it by having windows open and football on the tv. Nowadays, though, I'm not much in to football anymore, and I seem to have developed fall allergies that are worse than springtime.

So I keep the windows closed. And substitute football with shopping channels. Heh.